i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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