god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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