woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize