if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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