Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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