So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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