sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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