I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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