it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize