There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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