I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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