I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize