If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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