After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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