I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize