Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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