do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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