You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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