my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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