don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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