This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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