The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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