Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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