What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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