I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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