Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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