Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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