So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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