It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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