i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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