On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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