Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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