david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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