Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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