Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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