So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize