I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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