I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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