Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
are you so shy because you have an std?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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