im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
cat food counts as protein by the way
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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