The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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