1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize