No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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