he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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