Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize