hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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