Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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