There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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