why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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