i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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